Optional Chapter Five For Britain's Not Insane!
by Laveycee
Summary: This was the completely insane first version of chapter five of "Britain's Not Insane!" There's a better version of it now uploaded onto the story, but I decided to post this for anyone who wanted it. This may or may not make sense if you haven't read BNI. Happy reading! Note: I own nothing. T for paranoia.


Me: Hi!

Audience: *throws tomatoes* *yelling verbal abuse*

Me: *ducks tomatoes* So, you're probably wondering what in the name of chocolate took me so long to update.

Spock: If you look at the update dates of her other fanfictions, you wouldn't be surprised.

Me: Yeah, I'm kinda afraid to update those...I think the characters might attack me...

Britain: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?! I'M SICK OF WAITING FOR YOU TO FINISH THIS CHAPTER!

Me: ... *banishes Britain back to the story* Life got in the way of writing. Sorry. But on the plus side, I went to Comic Con, which was pretty cool. And I have a new idea for a story, which I'll tell you about after the chapter.

Spock: Without further ado...

Last time: _"Thank you for your time. Goodbye, Mr. Fudge." With that, Britain walked out. It was around ten p.m., and he had to be at the meeting around eight a.m. to get the spell prepared._

Britain was humming. He was _humming_. That was probably not good, as he never hummed. Never. So, when the other countries walked into the conference room-ranging from fifteen minutes early to five or so minutes late-they knew something was up. Their suspicions were confirmed when he said "Good morning!" too brightly.

_Crap, what craziness is he up to now?_ was the general consensus. "S'up, dude?" boomed America, who was-as usual-oblivious to the air of nervousness in the room.

Britain didn't even pretend to not know what America meant. "I have everything I need to perform the spell. There's just one thing left..." he trailed off.

"What's that?" America asked curiously.

"Um... If I could have everyone's attention, please?!" Britain called. He was ignored. "Hey, Germany, could you...?"

"Sure," Germany sighed. "EVERYONE SHUT UP! BRITAIN WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING!" he thundered. Everyone instantly quieted. Britain felt a slight twinge of jealousy...why didn't anyone listen to him? Why did they only listen when they were shouted at? But he brushed it off; he would have an opportunity to prove-once and for all-that magic was real, and then they would listen to him, like it or not.

"Er, yes, my spell is almost complete. I just need one thing from each of you." He paused briefly.

"Which is what, Britain-san?" Japan asked quietly.

Britain shifted his weight slightly before answering. "...Blood."

"WHAT?!" everyone shouted in unison, probably the only time in history they had ever all agreed on something.

"I need a small amount of blood from each of you, to take you back in time," he explained. "Just a pinprick, really. All it will do is...allow your bodies to adjust to the time period properly."

"Or you could call the Doctor," Laos (1) mumbled.

"I heard that, and I'd rather not, I was rather...rude to him the last time we met (2)."

Oddly enough, a wheezing sound suddenly began. "Wha-" America began.

Britain's eyes widened. "The Doctor!"

"WHAT?!" was the general consensus of the assembled nations.

Britain just pointed towards the corner where a blue box was materializing. A door opened and a redhead poked her head out. "Oi, you, where am I?" she said in a British accent (3).

The countries were very polite-wait, no, that's wrong. They were very rude. So, that sentance _should_ have been "the countries were very rude". Because they just gaped.

"Donna, what's out there?" called a male voice from somewhere inside the blue police box.

"A bunch of people!" she yelled back.

"What do you mean, a bunch of people?" a tall man in a brown suit with blue pinstipes said, appearing at her side. "Oh. Hello. I'm the-"

"Hello, Doctor. Nice to see you again," Britain interrupted. "You found another one of my citizens to travel with you, I see."

The Doctor frowned slightly. "Oh, I know you... Think, think, think! Oh, yes! Do you go by Arthur Kirkland here? Or-"

"You can call me Britain here. Everyone here is... well, like me. To a point."

"Ah. Okay. Hi, Britain!" the Doctor seemed to almost add more, but was cut off by the redhead-Donna, apparently.

"What do you mean, we can 'call you Britain'? You do realize that Great Britain is a _country_, don't you?"

Britain gave the Doctor a Look before sighing. "I'm the anthropomorphic personification of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. It's very nice to meet you, Miss..." he trailed off, waiting for her to fill in the blank.

"Do I look single?" she demanded, looking slightly offended.

"Um, no, but I didn't exactly think-"

"Oh, that's obvious-"

"_Donna_. Let him explain!" the Doctor says quickly. "This is Donna Noble. I'm the Doctor," he tells anyone who didn't know.

"..." said the countries-excepting Britain.

"It's not just a TV show," Britain explained, "it's all true. Although admittedly they did only show the world-in-danger parts..." he trailed off. "Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"The spaceman over here can't drive," Donna said bluntly.

"My driving is perfectly fine-" began the Doctor.

"Martha told me that you failed your driving test," Donna told him.

"That's-"

"Completely beside the point," Britain said hurriedly. "What brings you here?" He looked slightly pained. "Please tell me that it's not another alien invasion. If it is, could you please tell said aliens to go invade somewhere else? Preferably somewhere very far away."

The Doctor looked at him, slightly confused. Then the "light bulb" moment, and the viewer could almost see the little bulb appearing over his head.

"Oh, no, we were looking for a world that's almost like a gigantic China Town-I promised Donna, she wanted a vacation, and our last one didn't turn out so well... Well, it didn't turn out so well for me, anyway," the Doctor babbled. "We'll just be going..."

"Wait," Britain said. "Do you have more Time Dust? I've got some, but it's in a Time Turner and I'm not sure that it still works."

"Er...let me check." The Doctor dashed into the TARDIS, and loud banging sounds were heard. "AHA!" he yelled. The Doctor emerged, grinning like a maniac. "It wasn't under 'T', it was under 'D' for dust," he explained, recieving a lot of odd looks.

"Thank you, Doctor. Do you anticipate any... odd occurences in the nearby future?" Britain asked cautiously.

"No, no, nothing odd, unless you count a fixed point in time who is a person and can't die... But he's kinda harmless. Well, I say harmless, he's more... not likely to go on a rampage. Well, I say not likely..." the Doctor trailed off. "Anyway, off to Shen-Shen, Donna! Allons-y!"

France lit up. "Ah, the language of l'amour (4)! An excellent choice, my friend!"

The Doctor stared at him. "...Right. Donna? Ready to go?" he called to his companion, who was currently talking to Italy, who was happily flirting with her, as Italians do.

"Yeah!" she said, waltzing over to stand next to the Doctor. She turned to unlock the door.

"Ah, Miss Noble-may I have a quick word?" Britain called, wanting to talk to her briefly before they left.

"Sure," Donna sighed, joining Britain a bit away from the rest of the group.

"I would like to ask you to be careful, as the last few of my citizens who traveled with the Doctor... Doctor Jones is now with UNIT-she's turned into a soldier, which is to be expected with the Year that Never Was, I suppose-and Rose Tyler, who was... she was transported to another universe, and to be truthful with you, she was lucky to not be pulled into the Void... What I'm trying to say, though, Miss Noble, that each and every one of my citizens is very important to me, even if I don't know them personally. I want to ask you to... well, to come back," Britain said, eyes shining slightly with unshed tears, mourning all of his citizens who had been changed, and not always for the better. "The Doctor is wonderful for showing humans the universe, but there is always a cost. ...I have no wish for any more of my citizens to be changed. The Doctor may bring out the best in you, but he may also bring out the more militaristic and cynical side. Don't let your adventures change you, Miss Noble." Britain choked back a sob for all of his changed citizens, and the ones who didn't come back, and the ones who were trapped, the ones who spent the rest of their lives waiting...

"I'll always be careful... Do I call you 'Britain'? It seems kinda... odd," Donna said awkwardly.

"You can call me Arthur, or Mr. Kirkland, if you want to be formal," Britain said. "I understand completely-it's occasionally too much for my citizens, and others' citizens, to accept that we exist."

"Alright, Arthur, I promise that I'll be careful," Donna said, trying to reassure him with a smile. "I'd better get back to the Doctor-he'll be itching to go."

The duo walked back to the main group just in time to see a brown-haired girl stumble out of thin air. "Hi," she said, doubling over and gasping for breath. "Did you happen to see a girl about my height come through here? She would've have blonde hair with different colors streaking it, and you would've either felt an alarming amount of attraction to her if you're a guy, or hugely jealous..." she trailed off.

"Ooh, it's one of my citizens!" America said excitedly. "What're ya doin' here, citizen?"

"What the hell're you talkin' about?" demanded the girl.

"I'm the United States of America!" America said proudly.

"Oh, I'm in Hetalia? Alright, now I just gotta figure out... Oh, fanfic, definitely. Doctor Who x-over, with Ten and Donna... What was the last adventure you went on? As in, what planet?" the girl asked quickly.

"How did you know I was Ten?" the Doctor asked, in shock.

"I'm an Authoress," she told them.

"Oh, wonderful. One of _those_," huffed the Doctor. "What's your name?"

"My penname is Laveycee, and there's no way in hell I'm telling you my actual name. Stranger danger and all..." the newly-named Laveycee said.

"Never heard of you," the Doctor said.

"I haven't really written lots of Doctor Who fanfics, and what was the last planet you were on?" Laveycee repeated.

"Midnight," Donna supplied.

"Oh, don't tell me..." she trailed off briefly, turning to look at Britain. "Hey, are you trying to prove that magic is real?"

"Yes," Britain said, confused as to how this was relevant.

"And did Laos mention the Doctor?" Laveycee continued, starting to look slightly panicked.

"Yes," Laos piped up, "I did."

"Oh, I'm such an _idiot_! Of course she came here! What better way to strike at an Authoress than to attack one of their stories? And since this one is still in progress, and this chapter wasn't complete-she was able to influence it! I am the _stupidest_ person in all of existance! Dear God, I'm getting sloppy-"

"What're you jabberin' about?" demanded America, half-convinced that his citizen was crazy.

"Not sure this is the right way to break this to you, but basically you're all characters. I mean, you're real, but where I come from you're all characters in an anime/manga-thing called 'Hetalia'-excepting you, Doctor, you and the TARDIS and Donna are all part of an awesome British TV show called 'Doctor Who', which I must admit is a heck of a lot better than most American TV shows ("Hey! My TV isn't that bad!" protested America; "Yes it is," Britain told him), but we don't really have time for that. Which way did that _verdammt_ Mary-Sue go?!" Laveycee finished her long rant.

"Do you need just the approximate location of her disappearance?" Germany asked, breaking the long silence following Laveycee's rant.

"As close as you can get, because I really don't want to miss her again, I was _so close_ this time..."

"She vanished about here," Germany told her, moving slightly towards a window.

"Inheritance," muttered Laveycee, looking down at a knife with... scrolling numbers and letters, which made no sense to Germany. "Anyway, thanks for everything, but... can I have all of your attentions, please?" She put on a pair of sunglasses. "I was never here," she told them as she clicked a nuralizer. She quickly cut into thin air, stepping in and sealing it up.

The Doctor shook his head. "Alright, Donna, to Shen-Shen we go!" The pair stepped into the TARDIS, and it started up a moment later, disappearing into the Vortex.

"Now, then. Blood, please?" asked Britain.

(1) Laos: It's a country in south-east Asia, according to my mom. She may or may not be lying.

(2) Britain being rude to the Doctor: Somehow I think that Britain would have wound up yelling at the Doctor at some point...mostly because of the "London + the Doctor + Christmas = Alien Invasion" thing.

(3) Donna Noble's British accent: Anybody know what type of accent Donna has? Because I just used the very, very, very vague term "British accent" because I don't know what type of British accent she has. I just don't know.

Me: By the way, I think that this was the Doctor just after the events of Midnight, just because I wanted Donna to be in this because she is one of my favorite companions. And would anyone be interested in a Doctor Who version of _Romeo and Juliet_? We just finished it in English-finally finished the essay!-and I was struck with an idea for a 10th Doctor/Rose version. Interested? Let me know and I'll try to post it at some point. Also, "Laveycee" is both my penname-so she is partially based off of me-and an OC in my fanfic "And the Truth Shall Set You Free". So this scene will appear again in that. Anything to add, Spock?

Spock: Shen-Shen is the actual name of the Chinatown planet in Turn Left. Laveycee-the-OC was just there because Laveycee-the-writer was bored and felt like adding her.

Me: And the Doctor was put in for 9shadowgirl11, he doesn't really have anything to do with the story other than to add the Time Dust is actually some Time Lord-y thing. I don't even know, really. Anyway, can I have some reviews as a present for my birthday tomorrow? It'd make me very happy inside...

Spock: You are shameless.

Me: Yep! I'd probably sell my soul for reviews... I'd prefer not to, though. Bye~!


End file.
